Monday, February 9, 2015
This is our story
How we met
How we fell in love
How it all started
Philip's first impression...
I'd had an account with OkCupid for several years but there were only short times when I used it regularly. If you've ever tried online dating you know that you can only regularly log on before getting depressed. Scrolling through profiles until someone looks interesting. The people you find interesting aren't interested in you. The people who are interested in you are either creepy or, for one reason or another, people you'd never date.
At the time I met Linda, I was living in Taiwan and was studying Chinese full time at National Taiwan Normal University. It been a while since the last time I had left OkCupid, promising myself I'd never return for the ump-teenth time, but I decided to re-activate my account and search for Christians who speak Chinese. If nothing else, I would get some good Chinese practice. So, I figured I had nothing to lose.
Linda's profile popped up. I read it and she sounded really interesting. The only thing I really remember reading was the one thing that grabbed my attention: "I feel called to the Chinese people." I sent her a quick message introducing myself. When I got up the next day, I had a reply! I was so excited! I sent off a second message right away.
I waited for another reply.
And I waited.
I checked to see if I had a reply from Linda at least once a day. But there was nothing. Finally, I got discouraged and gave up hope. She must be blowing me off, I figured.
A month passed. Finally, I got a short reply:
Apologies for my lack of correspondence the past month. A lot has happened actually.... The thing I was convicted of by the Holy Spirit from God is that I need to grow deeper with God first and foremost. I wandered away from the cross and this is a season for me to be more intimate with Jesus. So I'm going to remove myself from this site but really wanted to keep in contact with people I would like to consider as friends. As someday I'll be going to China if that's still God's will I'd like to know if you'd still want to keep in contact.
Linda then included her email address. I was so excited! She hadn't forgotten about me! I sent Linda an email right away.
Linda's first impression....
I had friends who had pastors and themselves met their spouses online in various dating websites, so I decided to be open minded and try it out. But online dating is pretty discouraging, as often the people you like don’t seem to like you back and the ones who like you, you don’t like. It was during this period of my life that I thought I deserved a spouse because of all the things that I had done for God, not realizing that I had the “love idol” syndrome, placing the approval of people above God. It was also around this time in my life that I had wandered away from God because He didn’t give me what I thought I deserved, somehow going from being the elder daughter in the prodigal story to becoming the prodigal daughter. I decided to take things into my own hands. Sin had taken me further than I wanted to go and more than I wanted to pay. Thank God for some Jesus-loving Holy-Spirit filled sisters in Christ who dragged/prayed me back towards the Father.
By the time I received Phil’s message on OkCupid I had all but given up on any relationships in my future. I was heart-broken and knew I had broken God’s heart and honestly surrendered anything relationship related in my future to God. Phil’s initial message made me check his profile and somethings there (his half-Asianess, physics major, seriousness for God) reminded me of my best friends, who were twin sisters, from college who had pulled me back to God years before when I first started in college. Something in me (probably the Holy Spirit) told me to message him back but after that I really didn’t have the heart to continue, as my heart really needed healing. Finally, I decided to close all my online dating accounts with the quote “A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her” ringing my heart and not expecting anyone on any of those sites to actually email me. But Phil did email me and the Holy Spirit prompted me to email back because he really did remind me more and more of my best friends from college who drew me closer to God.
How our relationship developed
We continued emailing each other several times a week. The emails got longer and longer. Almost immediately, Linda suggested that we hold each other accountable for our Bible verse memorization, something that really impressed Philip. We agreed to memorize a verse between the emails which we sent to each other. We found out that we both have the same dorky sense of humor and sent each other jokes which made the person laugh and laugh. Soon, we were telling our parents about each other and dropping hints like "When I told my mom about your story..." We would probably have found out that we liked each other much sooner if it wasn't for the fact that Philip doesn't pick up on hints. Linda sent him a Chinese song, which has lyrics which translate to "I'd like to ask you if you have the same feeling for me..." but Philip's reaction was, "Yeah, I really like this singer. Here's another song she wrote that I really like..." Disheartened, Linda assumed that the answer to the question she had subtly asked was "No."
But it wasn't long before a series of awkward emails ensued which made us both realize that the other person had feelings. After Philip finally picked up on some rather blatant hints, we both finally realized that mutual feelings were present and we soon started talking about increasingly deep and personal topics. Very soon, we both came to the realization that our relationship was moving too fast because we were sharing at too personal of a level, considering that we had only been actively corresponding for two months.
After praying individually, we both agreed to slow things down. We decided to completely stop sharing anything personal. For the following 100 days, we agreed to limit our communication to only discussing a series of devotionals on the book of Acts from the Pocket Testament League, emailing each other our thoughts on each day's devotion.
During those three months, we both agreed to a partial fast in order that we would be able to pray more and get a greater sense of clarity regarding our relationship. Linda decided to commit to a vegetarian fast (inspired by the Book of Daniel) while Philip decided to fast from entertainment.
Slowing things down
Bringing our relationship to a screeching halt was difficult but we both felt like we were doing the right thing. We continued sharing our thoughts on the devotionals and while we appreciated still remaining in contact with one another, we both missed talking to one another about ourselves. But we periodically reminded each other of our commitment to refrain from sharing anything personal, with the exception of a "check-in" email which we allowed ourselves once every 40 days.
During this time, neither of us knew if our relationship would last until day 100, being that we had only been corresponding for a few months. We were both afraid that spending that length of time completely not focusing on ourselves at all would make the initial spark we had fizzle out and die... but we both knew that we had to put Jesus first. Surprisingly, we both found out that it really is true that when two people focus on Jesus together, they are drawn closer together. Instead of falling apart, we developed a deeper appreciation and respect for each other as we began understanding where we each were spiritually. Although we didn't realize it at the time, we're now able to look back on this time as an incredible blessing, as the very thing which ended up drawing us together the most was not our common interests or shared experiences, but our spiritual compatibility. This was the first of several lessons God used to teach us that putting Him ahead of our relationship, and focusing on Him instead of our relationship, is exactly what will make our relationship blossom.
On day 80, Linda informed Philip that her parents would both be visiting her in Philadelphia---not too far from Philip's family in Maryland---during the same time frame that Philip would be home from Taiwan visiting his family. Although we still weren't clear on exactly where our relationship was (or if we even had a relationship), meeting each other's families felt right. We both realized that there really was something there. We both now looked forward to day 100 even more... we even discussed cutting our 100 days short because we were already really close and needed to make summer plans if we were going to get our families together. But God intervened and Linda got sick. We really wanted to talk on the phone... and Linda insisted that the first time Philip heard her voice would be after she had recovered.
Defining the relationship
After Linda's voice was back to normal, we finally scheduled a time for us to talk on the phone. We were both really excited but very nervous. We both felt like we knew each other so well but we hadn't ever had a real-time conversation. Philip called Linda but we were both at a loss for words. We had so much to say to one another... but neither of us knew where to start. The call didn't last long. We were both left feeling a bit awkward... but it was still special.
A few days later, we talked again. This time, it felt so much more natural, having finally gotten over being nervous talking to one another. We talked for three hours. Even though we had finally allowed ourselves to begin talking about ourselves once again, at this point the majority of our relationship had revolved around doing devotions together... and so, the majority of our conversation centered around the Bible. We both really felt the presence of God in this relationship.
Finally, Philip made plans to fly home over the summer and we made plans to meet, unsure of exactly what would happen when we finally met in person. Philip would spend seven weeks in the States before returning to Taiwan to go through YWAM DTS (Youth With a Mission - Discipleship Training School). We were really unsure of whether those seven weeks would reveal that our relationship was real... or if it was based only on what we both hoped it might be.
Finally meeting
We scheduled to meet at the DC zoo. We decided to invite Philip's two youngest sisters (Abby and Amanda) to join us so that we wouldn't feel like a "first date." Having corresponded for nine months, culminating in a first date, would put too much pressure on that one day.
Just like our first phone conversation, our first meeting was awkward... but special. We weren't sure what to talk about, but Philip's sisters filled the silence for us. Linda returned home with Philip and his sisters, spending the night at Philip's parents' house. After finally being able to put the nervousness of our first meeting behind us, we had an open and honest conversation (but of course, we were not alone in the same room together, as we agreed that doing so before marriage would be unwise). We both felt assured that our relationship was real. We finally knew that we were both real people and our feelings were genuine.
We met each other's families and friends, and we quickly began to understand more and more that this relationship was really progressing somewhere. And we thanked God for bringing us together, even though we were on opposite sides of the world when we met.
Falling in love
Philip says...
The first time I realized that I had very strong feelings for Linda was the day after we met in person. Linda was staying at my parents' house and my two married siblings, Peter and Natalie (along with their families), came over for a visit. At this time, Peter and Natalie each had a little daughter of their own... and Linda and I were sitting on the floor playing with little Maddie and Audrey. That's when the thought hit me: I knew that someday, I'd be sitting on the floor next to Linda playing with kids. Except that they won't just be my siblings' kids.
But the first time it really hit me was about a week later, when Linda came back for another visit. It was a wonderful visit, but it had gone by way to fast, and Linda had to return to Philadelphia. I dropped her off at the train station, but I didn't want to let her go. I didn't ever want to have to say goodbye to her again. That's how I finally realized that I was in love.
Linda says...
Having been in very un-Godly relationships in my past, I was hesitant to go at it alone and the Christian books on how to have very Godly relationships that I’ve now been reading all recommend dating in community, so I had a community of Godly people who kept me accountable and prayed for our relationship to be directed by God. Emailing/talking to Phil had felt very natural, like how I talk to my best friends from college. By the time we agreed to meet I had started and been in Biblical counseling to work towards healing from my past and Phil knew I had issues and was very supportive. As God healed my heart, I felt attraction and feelings for Phil that I had to surrender to God over and over again because I didn’t want to make any mistakes like I did in the past. But these feelings didn’t go away and line by line and little by little with our emails and Pocket Testament League devotionals I felt an admiration and love towards Phil that only grew each time we decided to put God first and at the center of our lives.
By the time we decided to meet, I could see God working in the details with having my parents come to the East Coast during the same time as Phil coming back to the state side with an event that we couldn’t have orchestrated (my counsin’s wedding) and Phil’s family being close by where I go to school. When we finally met in person I knew God had something in mind when every member of Phil’s family seemed to like me. I’m not sure if I was very surprised by the time Phil told me the special “L” word but I had to confirm with God before I felt ready to say it to myself, having made mistakes in the past.
Apart again
While helping Philip's parents move, the two of us (Philip and Linda) were driving in a small truck together as we followed the big U-Haul. Philip was trying to hold Linda's hand as much as is possible while driving a stick shift... and that's when it finally came out that we both loved one another. We immediately began making plans to get married after Linda's graduation in May of the upcoming year, but Philip was still scheduled to return to Taiwan to go through the 5-month DTS program. Neither of us had expected our relationship to progress like this over the summer... and yet it did. Neither of us wanted to be apart again... but we knew that we had to put God ahead of this relationship. God was the one who brought us together in the first place... and we knew that unless we focused on Him instead of this relationship, this relationship would never succeed. And so, we were apart once again.
This time, being apart was even harder than being apart before having met. We both knew that we loved one another and we both knew that we'd get married. Naturally, we wanted to be together. But God kept reminding us that He needed to come first. We both cried on the phone several times... but we kept reminding each other that following God's Will more important whenever the other person was wavering. And during that time of striving to put God first, He really blessed our relationship. Once again, we were reminded how true it is that when two people focus on Jesus together, their hearts are drawn closer together. Once again, we were reminded that focusing on Jesus instead of our relationship is exactly what will make our relationship blossom.
DTS is a five-month program. The first three months are primarily lecture, while the last two months are outreach. The first month of Philip's outreach was in Cambodia. His ministry would be focused on places where Internet access would be scarce. We were both already so far apart but we were about to be torn even farther apart. Neither of us wanted that to happen. But after so many reminders from God that He needed to come first, we finally accepted the fact that this was something God knew we needed to go through if we were going to have a marriage which had Jesus as its foundation. And we both knew from our experience that even though we hated being torn apart, as long as we were focusing on God, we would be drawn together even closer than if we were focusing on each other. When Philip left for Cambodia, neither of us knew how much contact we'd have for a month, or if we'd have any contact at all beyond the 30 messages we had made for one another, one for each day.
But during this time with such little contact with one another, God taught us to cherish the time we do get together. Some couples get to see one another every day (or more), yet take the time they get together for granted. But God has reminded us that we don't deserve anything, causing us to give thanks for what we might have otherwise taken for granted. Since we have spent much of our relationship strained by distance and then lack of Internet access, we have learned to assume that there will always be more time together, but to cherish these times.
And in this way, by leaving one another and following God's plan instead of our own, He has drawn us even closer together. God has richly blessed our relationship every time we focused on Him instead of our relationship.
Soon to be together forever
In early February, Philip returned to States and formally proposed to Linda. Because he had left the country soon after we had decided to get married, he didn't have the time to pick out the perfect ring. The day he returned, he gave Linda a Chinese-English Bible which had a ribbon tied around it with the ring attached to the ribbon behind the Bible. Linda was so excited about the Bible that it took her some time to notice the ring... but when she did notice it, she was so surprised... and of course, she said yes!
And this is just the beginning of our story together! We look forward to seeing how God chooses to continue this story....
Apart again
While helping Philip's parents move, the two of us (Philip and Linda) were driving in a small truck together as we followed the big U-Haul. Philip was trying to hold Linda's hand as much as is possible while driving a stick shift... and that's when it finally came out that we both loved one another. We immediately began making plans to get married after Linda's graduation in May of the upcoming year, but Philip was still scheduled to return to Taiwan to go through the 5-month DTS program. Neither of us had expected our relationship to progress like this over the summer... and yet it did. Neither of us wanted to be apart again... but we knew that we had to put God ahead of this relationship. God was the one who brought us together in the first place... and we knew that unless we focused on Him instead of this relationship, this relationship would never succeed. And so, we were apart once again.
This time, being apart was even harder than being apart before having met. We both knew that we loved one another and we both knew that we'd get married. Naturally, we wanted to be together. But God kept reminding us that He needed to come first. We both cried on the phone several times... but we kept reminding each other that following God's Will more important whenever the other person was wavering. And during that time of striving to put God first, He really blessed our relationship. Once again, we were reminded how true it is that when two people focus on Jesus together, their hearts are drawn closer together. Once again, we were reminded that focusing on Jesus instead of our relationship is exactly what will make our relationship blossom.
DTS is a five-month program. The first three months are primarily lecture, while the last two months are outreach. The first month of Philip's outreach was in Cambodia. His ministry would be focused on places where Internet access would be scarce. We were both already so far apart but we were about to be torn even farther apart. Neither of us wanted that to happen. But after so many reminders from God that He needed to come first, we finally accepted the fact that this was something God knew we needed to go through if we were going to have a marriage which had Jesus as its foundation. And we both knew from our experience that even though we hated being torn apart, as long as we were focusing on God, we would be drawn together even closer than if we were focusing on each other. When Philip left for Cambodia, neither of us knew how much contact we'd have for a month, or if we'd have any contact at all beyond the 30 messages we had made for one another, one for each day.
But during this time with such little contact with one another, God taught us to cherish the time we do get together. Some couples get to see one another every day (or more), yet take the time they get together for granted. But God has reminded us that we don't deserve anything, causing us to give thanks for what we might have otherwise taken for granted. Since we have spent much of our relationship strained by distance and then lack of Internet access, we have learned to assume that there will always be more time together, but to cherish these times.
And in this way, by leaving one another and following God's plan instead of our own, He has drawn us even closer together. God has richly blessed our relationship every time we focused on Him instead of our relationship.
Soon to be together forever
In early February, Philip returned to States and formally proposed to Linda. Because he had left the country soon after we had decided to get married, he didn't have the time to pick out the perfect ring. The day he returned, he gave Linda a Chinese-English Bible which had a ribbon tied around it with the ring attached to the ribbon behind the Bible. Linda was so excited about the Bible that it took her some time to notice the ring... but when she did notice it, she was so surprised... and of course, she said yes!
And this is just the beginning of our story together! We look forward to seeing how God chooses to continue this story....
